Today the announcement was finally made that England would be easing the lockdown even further. It’s very complicated, but in some ways things should start to feel more normal soon. In other ways they will not feel normal at all because of all the social distancing measures that have been put in place.

From July 4th most places are allowed to reopen as long as they can stick to social distancing. This is what I have been wanting for so long. Now it’s here and I just hate the thought of how everywhere is going to be so different. Floor markings, hand gels, face maks and so on. It won’t be relaxing. Part of me wants to go out because I have been so desperate to. Part of me just wants to wait until things are properly normal again, but what if they never will be? I can’t stay in here forever. But I do think that wearing a face mask is going to trigger my post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I have tried wearing one twice at home and after about thirty seconds I felt sick, like I couldn’t breathe properly and extremely anxious. I couldn’t stand the feeling of it over my mouth. I just don’t think I can cope with it.

I have still hardly been out since the last changes were announced a few weeks ago. I want to go out so much, but because of my sight I know that I am not going to deal well with all of the changes. I just want nomral life back. I know that we all do, it’s just dragging on so much.

I was really hoping for some good news with today’s announcement and I am not entirely sure that I have. The one thing that I really need is the one thing that I still can’t have. I don’t want shops, bars or cafes. I just want a cuddle with my boyfriend. He’s the thing that I have been missing the most and he is the thing that I still can’t have. I want to say it’s not fair, but I know in the grand scheme of things I have been very lucky. But it is still so difficult.

The end of all of this feels so close that it’s taunting me. It just isn’t quite close enough. At least we are almost there, and I desperately hope that the good changes keep coming. and that life will be as normal as it ever can be, very very very soon.

xx ❤ xx