I think it’s time, time to write again. I have been out of action for way too long. I have been avoiding writing because this is too difficult to write about. I have been trying to think of other ways to be creative, and failing. Why is that? I’m a blogger!

I have always been scared of dying and what happens after. I always hoped that we meet our loved ones who have gone before us and help the ones who are still living. Every so often I used to get a warm and fuzzy feeling and it came with a feeling of love. It was just like somebody was there with me. I started going to a spiritualist church and after a while I was told by a medium that the spirit world had been trying to come through to me and that I could be a medium. The lady said that I had been hearing buzzing noises and that I should sit and listen and see what happens. I felt a little scared, but more excited. So did exactly that, every opportunity I got I would just sit and listen as the buzzing got louder. I started to hear the song Daisy Daisy and I got a memory of my Nannan singing that to me when I was little. I believed it was a message from her in spirit. I was so happy. I started a mediumship course at church and it was all going so well…. Until I realised that I couldn’t switch off. Every medium should learn how to switch on and off properly. Even with guidance I couldn’t switch off – That’s because I had developed psychosis!

I didn’t know at the time, I thought that I was just extremely connected to the spirit world, so I kept going and the noises and visions and physical sensations kept on coming. It wasn’t long before I believed I was the best in the world.

Then it all turned very dark and nasty for everybody close to me. And I won’t go into that, but I really hope that you all know how deeply sorry I am.

In the here and now, I am on medication for psychosis and I have just finished therapy. I have very strange visions, hear very loud noises and physical sensations and pains every single day. I know now that these things are not messages from beyond the grave, however they are both  draining and scary for me; I wish so much that I had never tried to be a medium.

Xx  ❤️  xX